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Swifties Respond To Taylor Swift Conspiracy Theories


Conservative media figures have recently begun spreading conspiracy theories that Taylor Swift is part of a government-funded psychological operation aimed at getting President Joe Biden re-elected. The onion asked fans what they thought about right-wing attacks, and here’s what they said.

Chris Billings, cold caller

Chris Billings, cold caller

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“I listened to every album backwards, and she only says ‘Emperor Joe Biden’ three or four times.”

Gabby Layman, programmer

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“The idea that Taylor could choose the president underestimates his power. »

Lucas Oberdin, Pentagon agent

Lucas Oberdin, Pentagon agent

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“We wish. We don’t have the budget to pay for Taylor Swift’s psych ops booking fee.

Hillary Downing, Bureau Chief

Hillary Downing, Bureau Chief

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“The idea that she holds enough influence to cause millions of Americans to act irrationally is ridiculous, and I will kill anyone responsible for spreading such a lie.”

Douglas Forte, army colonel

Douglas Forte, army colonel

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“Why would she choose the president when the armed forces have already secretly sworn loyalty to him?

Emily Hodges, barista

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“Taylor also controls which NFL players suffer brain injuries on the field.”

Selena Gomez, singer

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“It’s so stressful right now that I feel a little bad for creating this deepfake porn of her.”

Rachel Dawson, chef

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“I know she left instructions on how to answer this somewhere in the Midnights liner notes. I just haven’t found them yet.

Dan Stanfield, professor

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“If Taylor really wanted to choose president, she would just tweet his name and we would bribe, threaten and kill until they were in power.”

Hannah Reinfeldt, financial advisor

Hannah Reinfeldt, financial advisor

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“Come on, she was literally dating a Nazi less than a year ago.”

Chloe McPherson, biology teacher

Chloe McPherson, biology teacher

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“Tay is finally dating a nice guy who respects her. This is obviously false.

Molly Connor, high school student

Molly Connor, high school student

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“All of her love songs are actually about her longing for Joe Biden.”

Sadie Li, blogger

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“They’re probably still upset that she didn’t marry Harry Styles.”

Kayleigh Pacheco, nurse

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“The NFL is a covert operation to promote the next ‘Mrs. Visit from Kelce.

Brian Shahar, Customer Service Representative

Brian Shahar, Customer Service Representative

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“The more her name is spoken out loud, the more powerful she becomes. They are the authors of their own demise.

Hannah Darby, pet groomer

Hannah Darby, pet groomer

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“This display of paranoid misogyny is sure to turn me against her.”

Megan Rafferty, concierge

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“I mean, who isn’t secretly gay?”

You’ve come this far…

You’ve come this far…



Note: The content and images used in this article is rewritten and sourced from www.theonion.com

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