Friday, February 23, 2024

Old Man Whistling While Slapping Knee Once Again Sweeps Grammys

LOS ANGELES — With a single artist dominating in almost every category, the 66th annual Grammy Awards were once again swept aside last night by an old man in a rocking chair who whistled and slapped his knee. Whistlin’ Jesco, a blind man who reportedly lost his sight after drinking a bottle of his father’s hair tonic at age 10, was considered a favorite because of his previous years of favor at the Recording Academy, and he beat out contenders such as Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift and Beyoncé to win all the top categories. He also won Best Spoken Word Album for a collection of his hand-crafted humorous vignettes about how things were back then. Hailing from Holler, Jesco performed live at the ceremony and captivated the Arena audience by showcasing his signature hambone technique, blowing into a jug, puffing out his cheeks and dipping the sides of his jowls, and demonstrating a series of wheezing hiccups he called “eefing.” At press time, the old man was seen shining his record nine statuettes on his flannel sleeve before placing them in the middle of his scarf to secure them in a binding.

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