Thursday, February 29, 2024
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Baffling Report Finds Vatican Also Tried To Cover Up Jared Fogle’s Sexual Abuse


VATICAN CITY — Concluding that senior Church officials covered up evidence that a former Subway spokesperson preyed on young children, a disconcerting report released Monday reveals the Vatican also attempted to cover up the sexual abuse of Jared Fogle. “For reasons that remain unclear, there appears to have been a clear and deliberate attempt by the Catholic Church to cover up Mr. Fogle’s widespread pedophilia, just as it would suppress the crime if it were committed by the one of them,” said investigator Luca. Shapiro, explaining that there is reason to believe that the convicted sex criminal would never have become the face of Subway if the Vatican had not spent years using its extensive experience to systematically silence Fogel’s victims. “Once the Church discovered Fogle’s sexual transgressions against minors, a team of bishops – without any apparent explanation – sprang into action, ensuring that he suffered as few consequences as possible. After Fogel’s arrest in 2015, the Vatican even tried to intervene in his plea deal with federal prosecutors, suggesting that the sandwich vendor simply be reassigned to a small rural metro in another part of the country. The Church also reportedly spent millions on a plan to rehabilitate Fogle’s image after his likely release from prison in 2029.



Note: The content and images used in this article is rewritten and sourced from www.theonion.com

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